A Second Chance at a First Love
by ocfan
Summary: What followed a Big Time Breakup was a Big Time Realization...Kames and slight Cargan...Chapter 5 up
1. A lesson for loving you

Disclaimer: Don't own them…sorry!

Authors Note: Been writing this in my head for a while…figured I'd get it down…hope you enjoy!

_As Kendall Knight looked out the window as the plane went away he felt what he hadn't felt in a long time and as he walked away with his three best friends he didn't know where life would lead them. As he walked he felt James' hand come across his back and he felt comforted knowing that he would always be there for him but that of course was nearly 3 years ago….._

_In those almost 3 years Kendall learned that he was never in love with Jo Taylor…nope…not at all…maybe she liked or loved him but it was never who he wanted to be with. This of course came as a shock to Carlos, Logan, his mother, and Katie but it wasn't all that shocking…he was always there and it was about time that Kendall realized that. However, realizing something and acting on it were two completely different things, but once he finally admitted it to himself…it was easy to say the words to his family, friends, Kelly, but not Gustavo...he would never understand and probably yell something about the band, losing money and fans, Kelly on the other hand gave then all hugs and told them that she wouldn't tell him their big time secret._

**2 years into the relationship**

"Mom…I hate this….I hate it every day…I just want to tell someone," Kendall said.

"Kendall, I love you but I can't tell you want you need to do, you will know," Jen said to her son.

"I don't want to hear that mom, tell me what to do…please," Kendall said begging his mother.

_Kendall shifted on the couch, 2J was quiet, the guys and Katie were at the pool and they got older in those years since Jo left Kendall realized that his once in a lifetime one true love had always been there._

"I don't want to lose him…and I know how hard it is for him with his parents especially his mother," Kendall said.

"She isn't one to be messed with, but in all honesty I think that she will accept him, she has no choice," Jen said.

"We haven't all as lucky to have a mother that understands as well as you do mom," Kendall said.

"Thanks honey, I'm just trying to get by," Jen said

"I know what I have to do," said Kendall getting up and giving his mother a hug.

**Later that same week**

_Kendall knew how unbelievably hard it would be to go anywhere in that town without recognizing him, but what he had to do was very important and that's why he left it up to his mother and sister. Carlos and Logan knew what he was up to and were able to help in any way that they could and that is exactly what they needed to do that night. _

"James…Kendall needs to see you," Carlos said one night after receiving a text.

"Okay…where is he? Haven't seen him all day…its strange actually especially when I am looking this good," James said.

"Palm Woods Park," Logan said after receiving his text.

"This is very strange, but okay whatever you guys say." James said blissfully unaware of what was about to happen.

"Grab a jacket," Logan said

"Got it," James said getting up from the couch not even questioning why he would need a jacket on a warm California night.

_As James walked out of the apartment door, Carlos, Logan, Jen, and Katie waited a few moments and then quietly followed James as he made his way there, James had reached the park and noticed that the grass was covered with snow…he placed his jacket on the bench and sat down beside it and looked up into the night sky. _

"James?" Kendall suddenly appeared behind him

"Kendall? You scared me" James said.

"Didn't mean too," Kendall said bending down on one knee in front of him

"James….will you marry me?" Kendall

"I don't know…what do you think guys?" James asked turning around to see Carlos, Logan, Jen, and Katie peaking behind the trees.

_Kendall looked at James who was smiling…._

"Oh…of course," James said taking the silver band

"Snowball Fight!" Carlos screamed as he put his helmet on

_It was inevitable of course that it would lead to this…they all joined in on the fight and Kendall smiled to himself knowing that the worrying was over….for now. _

**Las Vegas-5 months later**

_Somehow they had made it there undetected, it was lucky for them that Gustavo and Kelly had a business meeting out of state that gave them the perfect opportunity to get married in Vegas, contained in their luggage was their outfits for the wedding as well as regular clothes. The wedding chapel was owned by a older couple with the wife calling everyone "sweetie" on the phone but they seemed nice enough and had no idea who Big Time Rush was…they had no children. James' parents were invited of course, but they had never received a reply, that wasn't a surprise to Kendall or really anyone else for that matter. In between band stuff was planning for the wedding, getting the clothing, ring for Kendall, the license, the plane tickets…it all had to be figured out. After all was said and done they all ended up at the wedding chapel Friday night at nearly midnight…the place was quiet and small but it was perfect for what they wanted. _

_James dressed in his black tux paced the small spare dressing room in the cramped chapel, that was of course until he heard a knock on the door. _

"James? Its Carlos and Logan" Carlos said

_James sighed and let his two best friends inside the room, there were a few spare chairs in the room and they all took one. _

"Do you think the world will be ready to hear the truth?" James asked Carlos and Logan

"I don't know…but if you follow your heart it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks," Logan said to him.

"I agree…he is the smart one after all, and besides maybe one day…it won't be a secret anymore," Carlos said smiling.

_Jen knocked on the door meaning that it was almost time for the ceremony to start and that she needed Carlos and Logan. The guys stood up and hugged James before they went to the chapel to be with Katie and Jen, James looked in the mirror for about the millionth time that day he knew that he wasn't going to run…he loved Kendall and always would._

"James, honey…we are almost ready to go," Jen said knocking on the door and got in her position to walk down the aisle after Kendall.

_Kendall watched Carlos lead his mother down the aisle, and Logan following right after them arm and arm with his sister, Logan stood beside him and Carlos stood on the other side as they all waited for James who walked down the aisle smiling. _

"We are gathered here today to celebrate a coming together of two souls; James and Kendall have written their own vows to express to each other their love. Kendall would you like to go first?" he asked.

_Kendall smiled at the reverend and pulled the piece of paper from his pocket…._

"James," he started. "I didn't know that life would lead me to California let alone to a wedding chapel in Vegas, but wherever I was, and wherever I was going to end up I knew that somehow, someway that you be there like you always have been, like you always will be. I know that we will have our ups and downs but we will always get through it, I just hope that I will be good enough for you," he said. "I love you James, I always have and I always will."

_Carlos wiped his eyes trying not to cry, Jen would was sited next to Katie was wiping her eyes as well. _

"Kendall," he started "I might not be the smarted person in the world, and I might sometimes be my own biggest fan but because and despite that of that you love me. I remember everything you ever said to me, whatever it was I always remembered…I knew that you believed in me and you believed in us and now there is no giving up because that's not what we do," he said. "I love you Kendall, don't give up on me."

_The waterworks started again with Carlos, and now Logan would was trying to be discrete, Jen started all over again as well, and now Katie was crying too. _

"Kendall Donald Knight, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? For richer or for poorer until death do you part?" the reverend asked him

"I do," Kendall said as James was putting the ring on his finger.

_Before he got to James they all head audible sobbing from the back of the chapel..._

"Oh Marie…must you do this at every wedding? I swear this happens all the time" he said

_Everyone laughed and turned around to see that she was in fact sobbing…_

"I'm sorry…I just love weddings and you know we never had any children of our own," she said. "Keep going honey…I was think James was up."

"Thank you honey," he said.

"James Isaac Diamond, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? For richer or for poorer until death do you part?" the reverend asked him.

"I do," he said smiling at Kendall.

By the powers vested in me by the state of Nevada you are pronounced husband and husband, you may kiss the groom," the reverend said.

_Kendall kissed James, and it was magical as their first kiss, everyone clapped and they walked down the aisle together and were followed by everyone else until they reached the back of the chapel._

"Okay…is anyone else starving? Seriously…I'm about to faint" Katie said

_Jen was about to argue with her daughter that it was way too late to eat but she couldn't deny the fact that she was hungry as well. Everyone went into their separate rooms to change, and they were to meet at the back of the chapel…Kendall and James were the first ones out._

"Reverend, we just wanted to say thank you," Kendall said.

"Anytime," he said shaking their hands.

"Bye Marie, thank you," James said.

"You're welcome, honey…you two are just adorable!" she said giving them both kisses on the cheek

_They were soon joined by the rest of the wedding party and walked out to the rental car and drove until they reached a diner. Vegas with its glittering lights was full of people walking the streets, going in and out of restaurants and casinos, so they didn't notice. They all sat down, the diner was nearly empty, and ordered their food…_

"Sorry boys, this is the best I could do for your reception," Jen said after the waiter left

"Don't worry about it mom, we don't need anything fancy," Kendall said.

"James? You okay?" Kendall asked after noticing that he was looking out the window.

"Yup…just distracted by all the glitter," he said.

_Carlos and Logan laughed, and they all started talking about band stuff until the food arrived. Before paying the bill Jen ordered a slice of cake to go for James and Kendall for their "wedding cake", after paying they parted the restaurant, checked into the hotel and walked to their rooms together._

"Night guys, love you all," Kendall said as James slipped the key into the door

_James leapt on the king size bed, as Kendall sat on the chair taking his shoes off. _

"Are you going to move sometime?" Kendall asked

"If I must…I want that cake," James said

_Kendall shook his head at his husband, and went to his suitcase to grab pajamas, he walked to the bathroom to change, James quickly changed, grabbed the cake but it on the nightstand as he heard Kendall coming out of the bathroom. _

"Are there forks over there?" James asked.

"No forks but…coffee spoons," Kendall said.

"Good enough bring them over," James said.

_Kendall climbed into the bed handed a spoon to James._

"Happy kind of not really honeymoon," James said.

"Same to you, but it really doesn't matter," Kendall said.

_James nodded and they ate their cake with the only noise being the TV showing the news. Kendall got up to clean up the mess and brush his teeth and James was flipping through the channels, he came back to the bed and James went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When James came back Kendall was asleep, turned off the TV, finally climbing into bed next to his sleeping husband._

"Night Kendall, I love you," James said.

**The Next Morning**

"Morning, you sleep okay?' Kendall asked

"Is it morning still?" James asked

"That is a good question," Kendall said laughing.

_James rolled over and turned on his cell phone noticing it was nearly noon, and that he had a voicemail_

"Hey there guys, its Logan…we figured we would let you sleep…your mom and Katie have their flight at 5 so were taking in the sights and then Carlos and I will meet you at your room at 5:30 for dinner, be dressed please," he said.

"Oh I forgot my mom and Katie were flying out today," Kendall said. "We have that later morning flight tomorrow."

"That's right, back home and back to being called 'dogs'," James said.

"I didn't miss that," Kendall said

_Kendall got up and put up the "do not disturb" sign on the door and climbed back into bed, he and James fell asleep again…_

"James, it's after 4 we have to get up," Kendall said looking at the clock

"I know…but this bed is so comfortable," James said.

_Kendall couldn't argue with that fact, but he reluctantly got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. James continued to lie in bed listening to the water running and Kendall's singing one of their earlier songs. _

"It's all yours," Kendall said gripping the towel around his waist

"Don't drop the towel…oh wait maybe you should," James said

"Will you get in there already?" Kendall said laughing

_James laughed and walked into the bathroom and closed the door, after getting undressed he stepped into the shower, while Kendall finished getting dressed he heard James singing the same song that he was singing and he smiled. Noticing that it was after 5 he turned on the news while he wanted for James…_

"Kendall? Can you bring me my clothes?" James asked his husband.

"No coming out in a towel?" Kendall asked disappointed.

"You have seen me in a towel plenty of times," James said laughing because he knew he had to get dressed fast

_Kendall rummaged through James' suitcase grabbed a bunch of stuff and handed it to him when he stuck his arm out. Kendall went back to his chair and 5 minutes later James emerged from the bathroom. It was 5:29 when Kendall heard a knock on the bedroom door, he Logan and Carlos in…_

"Did you guys have fun today?" James asked

"Yeah, except Carlos wanted to buy you the tackiest wedding stuff ever, like "Just Married" boxer shorts," Logan said. "I talked him out of it."

_Kendall and James laughed and they all left the room, closing the door behind them, as they walked to the restaurant they got stopped a few times for autographs. No one questioning why they were in Vegas, they reached the restaurant and sat down, the service was fast and the food was good. When they were finished they shopped for a while grabbing a few souvenirs, they finished their shopping and retreated back to the hotel. _

"Meet you guys in the morning for breakfast in the lobby?" Kendall asked before Carlos and Logan went in their room

"Sounds good," Carlos said.

_Logan put the key in the door and held the door open for Carlos who walked inside and shut the door. James and Kendall made it to their room; Kendall opened the door and locked it behind them. _

"Well…it's our last night in Vegas," James said.

"We'll come back, one day," Kendall said

"I hope so, even if it's for a concert or an awards show," James said.

_Kendall smiled, he knew that James always had high hopes of the band he loved that about him. As they packed up their suitcases and got ready for bed, Kendall put out their tickets for the plane ride home and sighed. James knew that when they were back in California, they couldn't be as open as they were in Vegas…they couldn't be married in public and that made them both sad. _

**The Next Morning **

_Kendall was wide awake…and it was 5:30 a.m. he knew that they wouldn't be meeting Carlos and Logan for a while. He also knew that they would have to check out and catch the shuttle to the airport; he knew that his mom and Katie would be picking them up. He listened to James sleeping hoping that the sound would lull him back in to sleep, it was no such luck. Sighing Kendall got up, grabbed the clothes that he had laid out and went to the shower. _

"Kendall?" James asked feeling emptiness in the bed next to him.

_James heard the shower running and then fell back asleep at least for a little while..._

"James? Time to get up," Kendall said.

"Yeah…I know," he said sighing.

_James got up out of bed, grabbed his clothes and went to shower, when they were both dressed they made their way to the lobby._

"Morning," Kendall said when they reached the lobby

"Morning," Carlos said smiling

_They all walked to the continental breakfast, soon realizing that they had the entire place to themselves. After eating, they all went back to their rooms to grab their luggage, as Kendall checked out he remembered that his mother had paid the entire bill when she checked out. As they sat on the couch waiting for the shuttle, no one spoke, a few moments later the shuttle arrived and loaded them up to get to the airport._

"I hate having to get to the airport this early, you'd think we would be used to it," Logan said.

"I know…with all the new security you would think we were criminals or something," Carlos said.

_They reached the airport and eventually they boarded their plane on the way back to California. Kendall was tired, and James was quiet as he read his magazine, Kendall laid his head on James' shoulder using him as a pillow, until the pilot came on and announced that they were almost there. _

"Kendall? We are almost there," James said gently shaking him awake

"Sorry, was I hurting your arm?" Kendall asked as he sat up

"No, it's okay," James said before lowering his voice. "I love you."

"I love you too," Kendall whispered as James smiled.

_The plane landed, they grabbed their luggage and the first people they were Jen and Katie, happy to see familiar faces they all went to the car for the drive back to the Palm Woods. _

**2J-Later that Afternoon**

_They arrived back at the apartment weary, Carlos, James, and Logan went to their bedrooms to put away their things, Kendall was about to sit on the couch when the doorbell rang. _

"I'll get it," Kendall said.

"Kendall, I am super excited to see you!" the overly perky blond at the door said to him.

_Kendall stared for a moment not truly believing what he was seeing looking at him, stunned he didn't know rather to slam the door or let the girl in. It was a tough choice and he wrestled with it briefly until of course he did what he had to do. _

**Note: I know that same-sex marriage is illegal in Nevada but just go with it…it works for the story! **


	2. More Lessons to be Learned

Disclaimer: Still don't own them…

"I finished shooting the movies early and just got back a couple of hours ago!" Jo Taylor said bouncing in the apartment.

_Carlos was the first to reach the living room…._

"Kendall, who was at the….." he asked before stopping mid sentence

"Carlos!" she squealed and gave him a strangling hug

_Carlos looked at Kendall and back at Jo after she had let him go…he could barely believe what he was seeing…_

"Jo?" Logan asked when he saw her.

"Logan!" she squealed again giving him a hug.

_Katie had enough; she had to do something and walked quickly to Kendall and James' bedroom. _

"James!" she said as she caught him coming out of the bedroom

"Oh, hey Katie…what's going on out there?" he asked trying to get past her.

"Don't go out there," she said trying to push him back.

"Why?" he asked his new sister-in-law attempting to get past her again.

"James…listen! Jo is out there," she said finally.

_James looked at Katie, he had known the girl long enough that this was the one of very times she was actually telling the truth._

"Thanks Katie," he said giving her a quick hug.

_Katie returned to the living room to see that they were all still awkwardly standing around while Jo was talking away until she noticed that Katie had returned. _

"Where is James? I want to give him a hug!" Jo said in a high pitched voice.

"James doesn't feel good right now, it's his stomach," Katie said quickly

"Aww…sad!" Jo said. "Well I better go…I have to go see Camille…call or text you later Kendall"

_Kendall closed the door and breathed a sigh of relief, he wasn't expecting that at all…he didn't want to talk to her because if he did he would probably have to tell her everything. Before anything was said or done he had to talk to James, and walked silently to their bedroom and knocked on the door and opened it slowly. _

"Yeah..." James said

"Its Kendall…can I come in?" he asked

"It's your room too," James said

_Kendall opened the door to James lying on his own bed facing the wall, he noticed that his own stuff from Vegas was neatly placed on his bed…he smiled thinking that James had put it like that. Kendall walked over to James's bed and put his hand on his shoulder…James shook it off._

"What James? You think I wanted this to happen?" Kendall asked walking back over to his side of the room

"I don't know…maybe" James said

"Really? Is that what you think? Because I'm not in love with her…never have been and besides she is a lot more annoying with the hugging and squealing…it's horrible," Kendall said

"When wasn't she annoying?" James asked as he rolled over and sat up to face Kendall

_Kendall smiled, he knew that James always struggled with his feelings and was never able to funny explain to anyone how he really felt that was until he realized how _

"Kendall…we really need to meet up and catch up….omg! Call me later! Or text me!-Jo"

_Kendall sighed and read the text out loud to James…_

"It's inevitable James, I'm going to have to tell her one way or another…there is no choice, because if I don't she'll probably think that we will

"Call her…go out to dinner and let her know you are a married man!" James said

_James left the room to give Kendall some privacy, Carlos, Logan, Katie, and Jen were in the kitchen eating lunch even though it was late afternoon_

"Hungry? I could make you something?" asked Jen

"No thanks, I'm all set Mrs. Kn…, I mean Jen, it's going to take a while to get used to," he said smiling

"Where's Kendall?" Carlos asked looking up from his chicken nuggets

"Calling Jo, he's going to tell her the truth when they go to dinner tonight" James said sitting down at the table

_They all stopped dead in their tracks…and stared at James…._

"What's with all the staring...its freaking me out," said James

_Kendall appeared in the kitchen and they all turned to look at him…_

"I know what you are all thinking, but it's something that I have to do, she has to know," Kendall said.

_Jen got up from the table and gave her son and James a quick hug, she then noticed the mail on the counter_

"James you got a letter," she said handing it to him.

"It's actually for both of us," he said opening the blue envelope

"What is it?" Kendall asked his husband.

_James smiled and read the letter out loud to everyone…_

James and Kendall,

Congratulations, I wish I could have been there but I know it was just want you wanted. I can't wait to see pictures and I wish you all the best always.

Love Always,

Kelly

_Two travel vouchers were placed in the card, with an additional note indicating that they could be used for any flight to any place._

"Well that was nice of her," Jen said.

"Maybe we can have a real honeymoon?" Kendall asked. "That would be nice."

"I hope we can," James said smiling and putting the card on the counter, it was the only wedding card that they got.

"Well have to get those pictures developed, mom" Kendall said turning to his mother.

"I'll take care of it, honey" she said.

_Mrs. Knight had taken several pictures of them all together and some of just James and Kendall, when they had gotten home dressed up in their wedding outfits, and those were the pictures that they would be showing to Kelly. _

"I guess I have to start getting ready," Kendall said suddenly.

_Kendall walked to the bathroom to get ready to take a shower, they all looked at James who had walked to the fridge and opened it._

"I'll eat now," he said pulling leftover pizza out and placing it in the microwave.

_As he waited for his food to heat up the silence was suddenly interrupted._

"James?" Carlos said suddenly. "It's killing you I can tell, you should tell him not to go."

"Carlos! You can't just tell say that, and besides it's not our business if Kendall needs to go…that's what he has to do." Logan said.

_James took his food out of the microwave and sat at the table, he listened to see if the water was still running…it was._

"I appreciate the concern, guys…I really do. The truth is…it's not easy for me but I respect Kendall for doing the right thing," James said.

_Logan and Carlos knew that it was eating him up inside, but they didn't push the issue and let James finish his food. Kendall had finished with his shower and proceeded to the bedroom to get dressed. _

"James? I need you for a minute," Kendall came out in the living room in jeans and a blue t-shirt

_James followed Kendall into the bedroom…_

"I don't look to good? Do I?" Kendall asked opening his closet again to figure out if he needed to change.

"You look great…" James said sitting on his bed

"Thanks…" Kendall said. "Well I guess I got to go…she'll be here"

"Don't have to good of a time….I love you," James said.

"Love you too," Kendall said.

_Kendall walked out of the bedroom, and James lay down on his bed…he didn't want to see him go. Jo had arrived a few moments later, before answering the door Logan reminded him about the wedding ring. Kendall look it off and placed it in his pocket and answered the door, he and Jo walked to a nearby restaurant in silence. _

**Later the Night**

"I'm super glad we could have dinner together Kendall," Jo said smiling at him from across the table.

_Kendall took a long sip of his water and looked at the menu for what seemed like the millionth time…_

"It was important for us to have dinner together," Kendall said avoiding her gaze

"You know, I really missed you when I was away…really I did," Jo said.

_Kendall was unable to respond, the waiter appeared and took their order, he couldn't help but noticed that his name was James._

"I have to tell you something, don't get mad," Kendall said suddenly.

"Okay, what is it? You know you can tell me anything," Jo said smiling.

"I'm married," Kendall said.

_Jo looked at Kendall, and shook her head from side to side looking at his hands in the process…_

"You are such a liar," Jo said. "Did you really expect me to believe that?"

"It's not a lie, it's the truth…and I wanted you to know that…" Kendall said to her.

_Jo didn't have time to respond; the waiter placed their food in front of them and walked away after asking them if they needed anything else. After a few tense moments of eating silently, Jo opened her mouth…_

"It's not one of the Jennifer's' is it?" Jo asked looking at her plate.

"No, not at all," Kendall responded.

"Do you have a ring? Can I see it?" Jo asked

_Kendall reached in his pocket to and handed Jo a silver band, one that matched James' which he used as a wedding band and engagement band._

"It's nice, simple and classic. I like it Kendall, it's something….it's something that I would pick out," Jo said.

"Thank you," Kendall said then continued eating.

_Kendall didn't notice that Jo had slipped on the band on her ring finger before she had given it back to him, knowing that she would feel the engraving of the "J" and their wedding date he hoped the questioning wouldn't be too demanding._

"Its James isn't it?" she asked handing him back the ring.

"Yes, and don't tell anyway, please Jo do this one thing for me, only my mom, sister, Carlos, Logan, and Kelly know…" he said.

_Jo nodded and they finished their meals, Kendall paid the bill and they started walking to the Palm Woods._

"Where did you get married?" she asked suddenly

_Kendall looked around, the streets were silent…._

"Vegas," he said. "We got home today."

"Wow…I really timed that didn't I?" she said.

"You didn't know…"Kendall said.

**The Palm woods **

_Kendall and Jo rode the elevator silently and walked equally as silently to the door of 2J. _

"Night Jo," Kendall said.

"Goodnight Kendall, thank you…for everything," she said

_Kendall walked into the apartment he noticed that Logan, Carlos, Katie and his mother were all watching TV._

"Hey guys…is he still in our room?" Kendall asked.

"He hasn't been out all night," his mother

"Thanks mom," Kendall said.

_Kendall weighed his options, and then sighed, he walked to the bedroom and slowly opened the door, _

"Kendall?" James spoke out in the darkness.

"Yeah...it's me," he said making his way to his side of the room.

"I missed you," James said

_Kendall smiled and turned on his nightstand light, and changed into his pajamas._

"I missed you too," Kendall said.

"So…how did it go?" James asked him.

"She called me a liar, and asked if it was one of the Jennifer's" Kendall said

_James laughed, and sat up in his bed…_

"You did tell her it was me…didn't you?" James asked.

"Didn't have to…she guessed" Kendall said walking over to James.

_Kendall sat down on his husband's bed…_

"She seemed to take it well, but it's over now…so that's all that matters," he said.

_James smiled and Kendall got off the bed and walked over to the door and opened it, Kendall walked to the living room before going to the bathroom to brush his teeth. _

"Is James okay?" Logan asked seeing Kendall

"Yeah…he's fine; I'm going to bed….night." Kendall said.

_They all bid him a goodnight and Kendall proceeded to the bathroom, after brushing his teeth he returned to the bedroom, his light was still on but James was sound asleep._

"Night James, love you," he whispered as he climbed into bed and then turned off the light.

_Kendall slept soundly, he was happy that they didn't have to wake up to early for rehearsals but they had to stay later._

**2J the Next Night **

_The boys had just got back to the apartment after a long day of rehearsing, Carlos, James, and Logan fell on the couch, Kendall was about to flop next to James when he heard a knock on the door. _

"Kendall, I've been looking for you, my daughter is dead," Mr. Taylor said to him

**Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more!**


	3. A Death Came Quickly

**Disclaimer: Don't own…just love them! **

"Dead?" Kendall said repeating what he just said.

"Yes, that is correct," Mr. Taylor said.

"Wow…I didn't know, we were at band rehearsal," he said.

"I'm not accusing you Kendall, I just thought you would want to know," Mr. Taylor said.

"I was talking to the police earlier, they want to talk to me again if you want to join me tomorrow morning," he said.

"I will be there," Kendall said.

_Kendall closed the door and walked to the couch and sat down next to James. _

"Jo is dead," he said not looking at any of them. "Her father wants me there tomorrow morning to talk to the cops."

_James looked at Logan and Carlos, no one said anything…_

"Will just have to come up with something to tell Gustavo," Logan said.

**Rocque Records-The Next Morning **

_The boys Logan, Carlos and James reached the record studio bright and early, and Gustavo was already yelling and they hadn't been there for even 15 minutes._

"Where's Kendall?" Gustavo asked

"I don't know…he was with us," Carlos said looking around

"I don't have time to play hide and seek with you dogs right now!" he screamed. "Kelly! Where is my coffee?"

"I'll help you Kelly!" James said quickly getting up.

_Kelly and James walked into the kitchen to start on the coffee…._

"Congratulations, I really wish I could have been there," she said giving him a hug before starting the coffee.

"Thanks Kelly for everything," he said.

"So where is Kendall?" she asked.

"Remember Jo? Well she came back from filming movies in New Zealand the day we got back from Vegas, so Kendall decided…well we both decided that she needed to know about us getting married. So he went out to dinner with her the other day and last night her father came to tell us that she had died," James said. "So now I guess he had to go talk to the police for some reason with her father."

"Are you kidding?" she asked pouring the coffee into the cup

"I wish I was," he said.

_Kelly shook her head and started making the coffee the way that Gustavo liked it; she didn't know what to say. _

"Where is he?" Gustavo screamed as James and Kelly walked back in and Kendall followed right behind them.

"Where's who?" Kendall asked.

"Where were you?" Gustavo screamed at him.

"No need to scream…someone stopped me in the hall, talked to them…and then I had to go to the bathroom which you really don't need to hear about and now I'm here," Kendall said calmly as the phone rang.

"I'm not done with you yet…but I have to take this call," he said walking to the hallway.

_Kendall reached out and gave James' hand a squeeze and smiled at his husband before Gustavo came back. _

"I'll tell you guys later what happened," he whispered to them.

_Gustavo soon returned and sent the boys into the sound booth to record, after a few hours of work they were let go. Tired they piled into the limo and made their way back to 2J…._

**2J**

_The boys had reached the apartment and walked inside to find a note informing them that Mrs. Knight and Katie were out for the afternoon._

"So…after you guys left this morning I go to the apartment, and was just about to knock on the door when Camille opened the door," Kendall said. "She kind of pushed past me without saying anything."

"Strange," Logan pointed out.

"Anyway, the police just asked me how I knew her and if she acted strange when I saw her the other night," Kendall continued. "I told them what I knew, and when they left Mr. Taylor told me that apparently Jo was sleep walking or something and ended up at the pool and hit her head and fell in and drowned."

"Bitters was the one to find her, when he opened the pool which was dark red from her blood, and this was all happening when we were at the studio," Kendall said. "Mr. Taylor wants us to go to the funeral in North Carolina…"

_The guys looked at him like they couldn't believe what he was telling them…._

"You guys know that you don't have to go," Kendall said.

"We know…but we should," Logan said.

"He's right Kendall…we have to," James said suddenly

"If that's what you want to do," Kendall said. "I'll let him know about tickets and the hotel."

"Tell him, only Logan and Carlos need tickets, we can use our vouchers from Kelly," James said.

_Kendall wanted to argue and tell him that those were for their honeymoon, but he knew that he wasn't in the mood to talk about it anymore. Kendall nodded mentally noting that he had to tell Kelly that they were going to use them, and they hoped that Gustavo would be away. Eventually, everything would be worked out and they would be flying to North Carolina with Camille and Mr. Taylor would be picking them up…Jo wasn't having a wake they were skipping it and having just a funeral for her._

**A Few Days Later-North Carolina (The Day of the Funeral).**

"Morning, you guys sleep okay?' Kendall asked

"Maybe if someone in this bed didn't have such cold feet I would have slept better," Logan said.

"Oh calm down," Carlos said. "It's too early to argue about this."

"Christmas Carlos…socks…I'm buying them for you," Logan said.

"Oh I can't wait," Carlos said smiling at him.

_They all laughed which woke up James…._

"Morning guys…" he said sitting up.

_They all bid James a good morning and Kendall gave his husband a quick kiss, they all had to shower and dress before Mr. Taylor picked them up._

"Who's going first?" Kendall asked.

_Logan got up and grabbed his clothes and walked to the bathroom, they all closed their eyes for a little while…Logan came out of the bathroom a while later dressed for the funeral. He sat on the bed and put his socks on as Carlos walked to the bathroom with his clothes. James and Kendall followed with their showers and soon they were ready, they walked out the door together and stopped a few doors down. _

"Camille?" Logan said knocking on the door.

_She opened the door a few seconds later, standing there in a black dress it was clear that she had been crying. _

"Are you ready to go?" he asked.

_She nodded and grabbed her purse, closing the door she walked down the hall with Carlos and Logan with James and Kendall following closely behind them. Reaching the lobby, Logan and Camille sat on the couch, Carlos learned against the wall, and James and Kendall sat on the other couch. Silence surrounded them most of the time, except from the occasional sniffle from Camille; Kendall wondered to himself it was an act he could never really tell for sure. Looking out the door, Logan noticed that Mr. Taylor had arrived motioning them all everyone walked out the door. _

**The Funeral Home **

_The boys, with Mr. Taylor and Camille walked in together; someone that they didn't expect to see approached them when Mr. Taylor and Camille walked off. _

"It it isn't the Big Time Rush boys," Jett said.

"Jett? What are you doing here?" Kendall asked him.

"I cared about Jo you know….and if it wasn't for you Kendall she'd still be alive…and I'd have a show,"

"What are you talking about?" Kendall asked.

"You haven't heard? They canceled New Town High…" Jett said. "Apparently the shows needs her…the ratings went down when she left…and now she's gone it's over."

"Bad things happen all the time," Kendall said.

_Before they could start an argument, Mr. Taylor told the boys that it was time to get into the limo and go the funeral. They all followed him, James was quiet the entire ride while everyone had casual conversation. The funeral went by, Mr. Taylor stood up and said a few words about his daughter…no one else spoke; they all proceeded to the cemetery that was close by. Everything was said and done, Mr. Taylor drove them all back to the hotel he thanked them all for coming and drove off…mentioning to the guys that he would pick them up to drop them off at the airport tomorrow._

**The Hotel-That Afternoon**

"Back to L.A. tomorrow," Kendall said after they reached their room and got inside.

"Didn't Camille say she was staying here for another day?" Logan asked.

_The guys nodded, she was staying to help the Taylors' and then she would be flying back with Mr. Taylor so that he could pack up the Palm Woods apartment. _

"I think I'm going to go to the pool for a while," James said remembering that he packed a swim suit.

_He quickly went to the bathroom, changed and grabbed a towel, said goodbye to the guys and walked towards the door._

"Love you," James said

"Love you too!" Logan, Carlos, and Kendall said smiling.

_James smiled and walked out the door…._

"Is he okay?" Carlos asked.

"You know…he's my best friend and my husband and I love him to death but sometimes…I wish I could see what he sees; I know how he must be feeling. We were supposed to save the tickets for a honeymoon and here we are, at a funeral…." Kendall said.

"Don't blame yourself Kendall, no one could have seen this coming," Logan said.

_The guys changed and watched TV waiting for James to return, it was nearly an hour later when Kendall heard the door open Logan and Carlos were napping. _

"Hey, how was your swim?" he whispered to James.

"Good…sorry I was kind of weird today," James said quietly.

"That's okay, I just don't want you to blame yourself," Kendall said.

_It was too late of course, James felt guilty but he didn't want Kendall feeling that way either…James smiled at him and leaned over the bed to give him a kiss. James went to the bathroom and showered, the sound of the water woke up Carlos and Logan. _

"What's going on?" Carlos asked looking over the top of Logan at Kendall.

"Nothing, James just got back…and maybe we'll go eat," Kendall said.

_Carlos and Logan nodded as they all heard the shower turn off, they sat up and watched TV until James came out of the bathroom. Dressed once again, they all got up and decided that they were going to eat at the restaurant at was at the hotel. After closing the door, they proceeded to the restaurant ate their dinner talked for a while and then returned to the hotel room to watch TV and go to bed. _

**The Next Morning-**

_Their flight was later in the afternoon, so the guys sleep longer…that was until Logan had woken them all up._

"Carlos, I swear…get those feet away from me," Logan said.

"You are so dramatic, we are going home today…then you are back to your own bed," Carlos said.

"We fight more than the married ones," Logan said laughing.

"James doesn't have cold feet," Kendall said.

"Neither do you," James said.

_Kendall didn't think that he could get used to sharing a bed with someone but it was easier than he thought, knowing that James was next to him was comforting even though at home they had separate beds. _

**Thanks for Reading and Reviewing! **


	4. Empty Without You

Disclaimer: Don't own them…

**A Few Months Later**

_James tossed and turned once again…he felt like he was never going to sleep again. Sighing he got up out of bed and walked to the bathroom. He had been taking sleeping pills since Jo's funeral, the guilt that he felt and the secrets he had to keep were causing him problems. Opening the pill bottle, he poured a few into his hand and turned on the sink water, the pill cap fell off the counter. Sighing and suddenly dizzy, James bent down and smashed his head on the bathroom sink, as blood started to gush out of his head he fainted hitting his head once again on the sink. Kendall had awoken to the sound of the noise…_

"James?" he whispered in the darkness.

_With no answer he sighed and got up and went to the bathroom, he knocked on the door noticing the light at the bottom. With no answer, he tried the knob and it opened…and then he saw James unconscious and bleeding a lot. _

"Mom! Logan! Carlos! Katie! Someone help," Kendall screamed and cried out.

"Kendall? What is…."Logan trailed off after noticing Kendall holding a lifeless James in his arms.

_Logan sat on the edge of the bathtub sobbing…as Kendall attempted to stop the blood from gushing out of his husbands head. _

"Call 911 please," Kendall said to Logan through sobs

_Logan wiped his tears and made the call, he already knew deep down that James was gone, by the time the ambulance came everyone in the apartment was awake. Carlos had his arm around Logan and they were both crying…Jen had guided Katie away to the living room and they were both crying. _

"Don't leave me James…." Kendall said through sobs. "I love you."

_By the time the ambulance got there, and took James away Kendall was a mess…_

"I want to go to the hospital," said Kendall.

"Okay honey…I'll take you," Jen said grabbing her purse. "Katie, stay here with Logan and Carlos."

_As much as Logan and Carlos wanted to go with Kendall they knew that it was best for them to stay there. Jen and Kendall walked out the apartment door and closed the door, Katie silently went back to her room, and closed the door, she didn't want the boys to see her crying again._

"You can go back to bed if you want…I'm going to stay up," Logan said to Carlos.

"No…it's okay…I'll stay up with you," Carlos said.

_Logan and Carlos sat on the couch and put the TV on…since it was very early there was nothing on but infomercials. Carlos soon fell asleep using Logan's arm as a pillow, Logan continued to flip through the channels until ultimately turning off the TV and attempted to fall asleep. He silently hoped more than anything that James was alive but he knew that it was only a matter of time before they would get that phone call from Kendall telling them what they already knew. It was nearly a half hour later when Logan was awakened by the phone ringing, it woke Carlos up too, and Logan sighed and picked it up._

"Hello?" Logan said.

"It's me….he is gone," Kendall said sobbing on the phone. "They did everything that they could."

_Kendall and Jen returned to the apartment and Kendall fell into Carlos and Logan's arms sobbing. Jen went to go check on her daughter who was fast asleep; she would have to wait to tell her what happened. _

"I'm going back to bed…honey do you need anything?" Jen asked her son.

"No…I….I'm going to sleep out here," Kendall said wiping his eyes.

_Carlos and Logan went back to their room and Jen went to hers…Kendall went to the couch, laid on it; he pulled the blanket around him and fell asleep. Kendall awoke when the sun started streaming in the blinds, he nearly fell off the couch when he rolled over but it fell like someone had pushed him back. He heard his mother and Katie enter the kitchen; he wanted nothing more than to just be with James…reluctantly he opened his eyes knowing that Carlos and Logan would be awake soon, he knew that they had band rehearsal. _

"Morning," Kendall said from the couch.

"You okay honey?" Jen asked him carefully.

"No…" Kendall said as he got up off the couch.

_Jen sighed, she knew there was nothing she could say or do to bring her son's husband back…nothing at all. Kendall approached her and she pulled him into a hug as Carlos and Logan entered the kitchen, Jen had as easily as she could, told Katie what had happened. _

"Sit, and I'll make everyone breakfast," Jen said.

"I'm not hungry, I'm going to get ready for rehearsal," Kendall said.

_Kendall walked into the bathroom, it was still a mess from last night…the bloody washcloths laid dried on the floor and the bottle of sleeping pills was still on the counter cap missing. Kendall gathered up the laundry and put it in the washer, and grabbed the bottle wanting to throw it out the window but decided against it. He capped the bottle and threw it in the trash; he then undressed and climbed into the shower. _

"I have to tell his mother," Jen said. "Kendall won't be able to do it."

"I think you have to Mrs. Knight," Logan said. "She has to know."

_Jen couldn't disagree with him at all…she would wait until they had left for rehearsal, Kendall finished his shower and went to his room quickly to get dressed and entered where everyone was once again. Silently, they were eating not looking at each other….Logan got up and walked his dishes to the sink, he went to the bathroom and shut the door. Logan showered and dressed and Carlos followed…soon they were all back in the living room getting ready to leave._

"Bye boys," Jen said waving them off.

_They all said goodbye and walked out the door…Jen sighed and looked at her daughter who was crying at the table._

"Oh honey…it will be okay," she said.

"I know mom, I just feel so bad for Kendall," Katie said. "For all of us, but him most of all."

"Me too sweetie, me too," she said giving her a hug.

**Rocque Records**

"So...I have to tell you something," Kendall said as they arrived

"It better be that James is coming…because if it isn't…"Gustavo said.

_Kendall resisted the urge to scream in his face and instead calmly took a breath looked at Logan and Carlos._

"James is gone, he died…." Kendall said tears welling up.

"Oh my god…boys I'm so sorry," Kelly said starting to cry.

_Kendall told the them what happened to him, he held back tears as did Carlos and Logan the best that they could. Gustavo looked at them stone faced…nodding understandingly but not really knowing how to respond. Kelly was wiping her tears, she felt their pain just by looking into their eyes. Kendall, she could tell was in the most pain of all…_

"I don't know what to say…." Kelly said.

"You don't need to say anything Kelly," Kendall said.

_Kelly walked over to him and gave him a hug and followed with hugging Carlos and Logan as well. _

"You boys are free to go…we do band stuff another day," Gustavo said.

**2J**

_While the boys were at the record studio and Katie was at the pool, Jen paced the apartment as a mother she knew that she had to do the right thing, she would want to know if it was Kendall or Katie. Sighing she picked up the phone…_

"Brooke Diamond," the voice on the phone said.

"It's Jen Knight, I wanted to let you know that…your son passed away," she said slowly

_There was a moment of silence on the phone; Jen wondered if Brooke had heard what she said. Jen was about to ask her if she was there but suddenly heard her clear her throat. _

"The only person with blood on their hands here is your son," Brooke said.

"Do not bring my son into this…he loves James, we all do," Jen said getting upset

"I wanted him home, and he wanted to marry your son…and now he's dead," she said. "Whose fault do you think that is, not my son."

"Come to the funeral or don't come I don't care," Jen said hanging up as the door opened.

_Jen turned around to find Carlos, Logan, and her son entering the apartment, _

"That was quick…did you tell them?" she asked.

"Yeah…who were you on the phone with mom?" Kendall asked her.

"Brooke…" she said.

_Kendall nodded, he didn't want to fight with his mother in law….he was glad his mother called her…_

**The Funeral-A Few Days Later**

_The event was private and small attended only by a few people, his family wasn't there...Gustavo and Kelly arrived together and sat in the back as did Camille. The person running the funeral did all the usual things, and then it was time for people to say what they wanted too. _

"My name is Logan… you know that…James was more than my band mate he was my brother…we may not have always gotten along but that's what family members do and we are a family…all of us. He was an important part of my life...and I will miss him, I love you James," Logan said.

_Logan went back to his seat next to Mrs. Knight who put her around him as Carlos got up next. _

"I'm Carlos, as most of you know…this is the hardest thing I will ever have to do, I never wanted to see him like this, and it's hard to see him like this. James brought light to wherever he went and whatever he did, whether it was hockey or music he always did his best and I respected him for that. So whenever you think of James, think of all the entertainment he brought to the world, don't think of him like this…he wouldn't want you to, love you buddy," Carlos said tearing up.

_Carlos returned to his seat on the other side of Logan and watched Kendall make his way up the stairs. _

"My name is Kendall Knight and I have a confession to make, James Diamond was a lot more than my best friend and band mate…he was…my husband," Kendall started. "I don't care what you are thinking right now because all I know is that man laying in that casket…is the love of my life and always will be."

_Kendall started sobbing…and slowly looked at the people everyone else was looking at him shocked…and that was first time that he noticed Griffin in the back._

"I will never forget him…and I never gave up on him…I love him…not loved…love forever until the end of time. I think that one day we will live in a world where my love for James didn't have to be a secret…I wish that was the case…but it's not and now a piece of my soul is gone." "It's more than a piece really….without him I'm empty so until I see him again…I will say that James is my soul mate…and no one will replace him, I love him," Kendall said.

_Kendall walked down the stairs, and took his seat…._

"I'm proud you honey," Jen whispered to her son as he took his seat.

_Carlos and Logan nodded silently, he knew that they were proud of him and that James most of all would be proud of him. Everyone was getting ready to leave to go to the cemetery, when Gustavo tapped Kendall on the shoulder._

"I'm sorry about James…I didn't know….I didn't know about you and him," he said.

"I know….I didn't think you would understand," Kendall said.

_Gustavo didn't know what to say, Kendall was right he probably would have had a fit…._

"Come on Kendall…it's time to go," Logan said who had just come over.

_Kendall gave a nod to Gustavo and walked with Logan to the limo, they reached the door and the driver held the door open for them. They rode silently to the cemetery, Katie looked at her brother, she knew that he was really hurting, she would miss James too but never as much as Kendall. They arrived at the cemetery, when everything was said and done and they lowered James' coffin into the ground, Kendall who was in the back began sobbing as did Carlos and Logan…As everyone started to leave, Kendall stayed for a moment, he sat on one of the chairs and just looked out to the rest of the cemetery…there were few people there. _

"Bye James, I love you…" Kendall said. "I miss you already…"

"Honey…we have to go," Jen called from the limo a few feet away.

"Coming," he said sighing.

_He got up from the chair and walked to the limo and got inside where he found everyone else waiting for him. _

_They arrived back to 2J and walked into the apartment and almost immediately the phone rang. _

"Hello?" Kendall said.

"Are you happy now Kendall? You killed him…with your secrets and lies," Brooke said.

"My husband died…I don't have to hear this, I'm sorry that you didn't come and I'm sorry that your company was more important than him...goodbye," Kendall slammed down the phone.

_Kendall stormed to his bedroom and slammed the door closed, Carlos looked at Logan…they knew that he needed some time to calm down. His mother on the other hand walked to the bedroom…_

"Kendall?" Jen said knocking on his door.

"Mom…I really don't want to talk to you right now…could you send Logan and Carlos in?" Kendall said.

"Sure honey," she said and then made her way back to the living room

"He wants you…" she said to them

_Carlos and Logan nodded and walked down the hall to the bedroom, they walked in to see Kendall still in his suit from the funeral lying on his bed playing catch with his wedding band._

"Here…put it back on…please," Logan said after Kendall tossed it back up in the air and he caught it.

_Kendall put on his wedding band and looked at his best friends and sat up on the bed…_

"I feel like I need to do something…clean or organize or I don't know anymore," he said starting to cry. "I'm sorry I don't know what to do."

"Don't apologize; we know how hard it is…" Logan said sitting on his bed.

"We know how much you love him…and it was brave of you to tell the world, I couldn't have done it," Carlos said.

_They all sat in silence for a few moments…_

"I just don't want to be headline news," Kendall said.

"Even if you are…it won't matter…you were honest and that's all that matters," Logan said,

_Kendall smiled at Logan, and got up off his bed, he walked over to James' side and his eyes filled up with tears once again when he saw the pictures of them from the wedding. _

"Come on Kendall…you can't be in here right now," Carlos said.

"I know…let me change and I'll be right out," he said.

_Logan and Carlos went to change also, Kendall walked back to his side of the room and picked out something to wear and quickly put it on, leaving room he turned off the light. _

"You can have my bed tonight if you want?" Logan said to Kendall who had just walked into their room.

"Thanks…the couch is fine," Kendall said smiling a little.

_Logan quickly looked at his phone and noticed there was a voicemail, he played it so that Carlos and Kendall could hear._

"Guys…its Kelly and I really hate to do this now but Griffin and Gustavo need to see you first thing in the morning…its important…please be there."

"That can't be good," Logan said.

"Not at all…" Carlos said nodding.

**Rocque Records-The Next Morning**

"This is the end of Big Time Rush…I hope you know that," Griffin started. "We are going to lose so much money."

"Griffin…" Gustavo started.

"No! Kendall coming out of the closet is not going to help me…or the band to make money…we need a band that will listen and Kendall is no longer in that band," Griffin said.

"So Kendall….go quietly or I will have you escorted out," he said.

"Fine…I don't need you anyway…you insensitive jerk," Kendall said getting up.

_Kendall gave a quick wave to Kelly who had always been nice to them, and always respected them, he was about to leave when Griffin started up again. _

"Now Carlos and Logan, Gustavo's job is going to be to find another band for you," Griffin said.

"If Kendall's gone…I'm gone too. This band has always stuck by each other…and I'm not going to join some other band…Carlos and Kendall are my family," Logan said.

_Logan marched over to Kendall and stood by him…both hoping that Carlos would make the right decision. _

"Well then…Carlos what about you? We could make you a star!" Griffin said.

"No thanks…I'm sticking with my family," he said giving them a smile and walking towards them.

_The guys walked out the door at the recording studio for the last time and never looked back; they took the limo back to the Palm Woods. _

**2J**

"What happened?" Jen asked when they walked back into the apartment.

"Big Time Rush is no more," Logan said. "Griffin is the biggest jerk, and Gustavo just stood there…saying nothing."

"He wouldn't have listened anyway…" Kendall said.

_Kendall walked into the bedroom and closed the door….he paced the room…sat on his bed and then got up to sit on James' bed. He then walked back out to the living room…._

"What are we going to do? I don't know how much time we will have left here," Kendall said.

"We'll just have to wait and find out, I guess," Carlos said.

**Thanks for reading…..**


	5. Past, Present and Future

**Disclaimer: Don't own them…just a fan**

**The Next Morning**

"So…Kelly bought us two weeks…then we have to be out…" Logan said after hanging up.

"I'm sorry guys…I didn't want it to end like this," Kendall said.

"We know…" Carlos said.

"What are we going to do?" Kendal asked.

_They all looked at each other….they didn't know…but they didn't have much longer to decide. In the next few days, Jen decided that she and Katie would return to Minnesota…and the boys would stay in California and find apartments of their own to start on their own lives. _

_Kendall had reluctantly started packing James' side of the room…he was going to take all of his stuff into his new apartment and go through it one day. Between packing and crying…Kendall had looked at colleges and decided that he wanted to be music teacher. They decided to finish their high schooling with a professional teacher. _

**2 Weeks Later**

"I'll miss it here," Kendall said taking one last look around the empty apartment.

"I will too…it was good while it lasted," Logan said.

"Lots of good memories," Carlos said.

_Logan and Kendall nodded and they all walked to the door, Logan and Carlos walked out while Kendall looked again and closed the door. They walked silently to the elevator, and got in; Katie and Mrs. Knight were waiting for them. _

"I'm sorry Kendall," Logan said. "I know this isn't the perfect life you wanted."

"I know…but he'll always be here with me," Kendall said. "I have you guys too and my mom and sister."

_Kendall wiped a silent tear from his eye quickly, hoping that Logan and Carlos didn't notice but they did. They reached outside the Palm Woods, and stared at the huge moving van that was in front of them, they squished into the front seat with Katie and Jen who was driving. After helping each of them move into their apartments, Kendall was the last apartment….after giving his mother and sister a hug goodbye and watching them drive way…he was alone once again. _

**3 Months Later**

_Kendall had woken up one morning and realized that he hadn't talked to his best friends in a while, between school and applying for jobs and colleges they have been busy. Every day he would pass by the room with the closed door, he would think of James…memories would creep up all the time. He remembered receiving a message from Brooke on the answering machine, short and to the point; she wanted some of James' things sent whenever he had time. Kendall walked to the kitchen after showering and picked up the phone…_

"Hey Logan, its Kendall…you busy?" he asked.

"No, not really...why?" Logan questioned.

"I was wondering if you wanted to help me go through James' stuff," Kendall asked.

"Sure, I'll be there in a while," Logan said.

_Kendall hung up the phone and then called Carlos who also agreed to help them; he sat on the couch watching television waiting for the doorbell to ring. A few moments later the doorbell rang and Kendall got up the answer it after exchanging greetings and hugs Kendall guided them to the locked room. _

"Here we go," Kendall said breathing deeply and unlocking the door.

_The room was empty except for boxes scattered around the room, Kendall had just placed them in there when he moved in he didn't want to look at them anymore. Without saying much, they started going through the boxes and started making piles. _

"Kendall, there's a letter in here…with your name on the envelope," Logan said handing it to him.

"I didn't know this was here, I'll have to read it later," Kendall said quickly.

_Logan looked at Carlos before turning his back and continued going through the boxes to see what else could be sent to Brooke in Minnesota. After nearly another hour of working they had few boxes that they were going to send to her, Logan and Carlos left and _

Dear Kendall…

I can't sleep again…so instead of waiting to fall asleep I take these stupid sleeping pills, I hate them. I try to sleep….I pace the apartment trying not to wake anyone up, but I'll I can think of is the guilt I feel. Guilt for my parents' divorce, guilt because not only did my dad leave my mom but I left her too….but that guilt went away when I became your husband and that was the happiest day of my life. However, with becoming your husband came a lot of lying…not because it was better that way…it was something we had to do…I felt guilty once again. Jo's death might have been a long time coming but for me…it felt like here we are again…more guilt because I felt like I caused it. I know that you didn't want me to feel responsible but I do, I feel like I killed her…and you nailed the coffin shut when you told her we were married…but it was something she had to know…never blame yourself…Kendall promise me.

So here I am…writing you this letter knowing that one day you will read it…and if you are crying I wish I was there holding you. Look out for Logan, Carlos, Jen, and Katie…they are my real family…and make sure that they know I love them. I was proud to be your husband, even though it was secret…and in case you were wondering you are the best husband I've ever had…well the only husband I've ever had…but still the best.

If something ever happens to me always know that it's not your fault, always know that I love you…and I know that you never gave up.

Love Always Your Husband,

James Isaac Diamond

_Kendall reread the letter again, he put his head in his hands and started sobbing, he missed James so much and he knew he would never find someone to replace James in his heart. He folded the letter and walked to his bedroom and put the letter in his bedside table. Walking out of his bedroom, he caught a glimpse of the wedding picture that hung on the wall…he looked at it often remembering the good days. _

_In the years that followed their lives had changed, Kendall graduated and got a job as a music teacher, he would coach hockey too. Logan kept his dream and eventually finished medical school and graduation while his best friends looked on and cheered louder than anyone in the audience. Logan worked in a hospital and loved every moment of it, every life he saved and every life he couldn't safe they all reminded of him of James, but he always worked hard no matter what. Carlos could never decide on what he wanted to do with the rest of his life, so after much consideration he went to study business and ended up running a very successful music store. _

_Kendall, Carlos, Logan, and Jen watched Katie get engaged and leave at the alter the only man who ever loved her…a nice, hard working and slightly boring guy named Ryan. Kendall worked hard but continued to miss James more and more as the days went by, he tried talking to Carlos, Logan, his mother, but nothing worked…that was until he saw a TV about adopting. He knew that he wanted to make a difference in the world, so after much consideration he decided that he would adopt a child from an agency in California. _

**A Few Months Later**

_Kendall shared his decision with his friends and family, he also went to the cemetery one warm day and sat with James being the only one talking he got many strange looks. He didn't care, he just wanted to spend time with his husband….the decision wasn't an easy one but after much research he talked to agent who had a young teen mother who wanted a closed adoption. As Kendall waited for the phone call that his baby was here would officially be his daughter, he decided he would name her Diamond Jaime…to always remind him of James. _

**6 Years Later**

"Daddy!" the little girl screeched as she ran into her father's room.

"Yes honey…oh I know why you are excited!" Kendall said as he picked her up and put her on the bed. "Who do we get to see today?"

"Uncle Carlos and Uncle Logan!" Diamond said smiling.

"That's right! Who else are we seeing today" he asked

"Daddy James," she said lowering her voice.

_Kendall smiled, he knew his daughter was too young to understand what happened to James, but he knew that having her at least know the kind of person he was would be helpful. He talked about James all the time and he remembered the day that she asked him a question that shocked him._

"Daddy? Is Daddy James in heaven?" Diamond asked after a few moments of silence.

_Kendall's eyes filled up with tears as he nodded his head pulling his daughter into a hug. He didn't know how she came up with "Daddy James" but he never corrected her…he liked it. _

"Alright miss…it's time to get ready," Kendall said picking up his daughter off the bed.

"Alright daddy," she said.

_Kendall made his bed up quickly, sending her to play in her room while he showered and dressed quickly. Kendall approached his daughters' room…where she was playing quietly by herself she was making her dolls talk to each other and Kendall smiled. _

"Hi honey…time to get ready to go," he said.

_Kendall helped his daughter get ready to go to the cemetery, after tying her shoes they walked out of the room together. After leaving the house and locking the door, they were made their way to see James. _

**The Cemetery**

_Kendall pulled in to the cemetery a moment later he saw Logan pull in right behind them, parking their cars they all got out. _

"Uncle Logan!" Diamond squealed when she saw him.

"Hi honey," he said giving her a hug and a kiss.

"Hey buddy," Logan said giving Kendall a hug.

"Good to see you Logan," he said.

_Carlos had pulled up parked and walked to meet them a few feet away…._

"Uncle Carlos!" Diamond squealed once again.

"Hey missy!" he said hugging and kissing her.

"Kendall...good seeing you," Carlos said giving him a hug.

"Logan…still waiting on my socks you know," Carlos said hugging him.

_They all laughed….Kendall had taken his daughters hand and they all walked to James' tombstone…_

"Hey buddy…I miss you…I wish you could have been there to see me graduate and I know that you would have cheered right along with these two, we are always thinking of you…love you," Logan said.

"Hey James…I bet you are watching us now…and hopefully we look good from up there. It's not looking to good down here…we miss you, don't worry we are taking good care of Kendall…Diamond too…love you," Carlos said.

"Say hi, honey," Kendall said to his daughter.

"Hi Daddy James….Me and Daddy miss you, love you," she said quietly but Kendall still heard her and smiled.

_Logan and Carlos took their goddaughters hands and guided her away; they knew that Kendall wanted to spend a few moments alone talking to his husband. _

"Hi James," Kendall started. "I hope you are looking down on us and smiling, I want you to be happy because I'm learning to be happy. I miss you more than anything, I wish you could be here to be a father; you would have been a good one. I wish I didn't have to be here without you, I'm doing the best that I can. I love you James."

_Walking away…Kendall wiped a single tear from his cheek…._

_As they left together, Kendall didn't know and he didn't see that Brooke had pulled in the cemetery. It had been a long time since she had seen any of the boys but got updates from time to time here and there from Jen only when she called her to find out, Jen would never call Brooke. Brooke parked and walked to her son's gravestone, she noticed cards that were placed there recently…in the last months or so prior to the boys visit today. She picked one up…that looked newer. _

"James…Miss you and love you everyday…With Love Forever, Kendall and Diamond"

_She placed it back under the rock that was on the gravestone and picked up the other two cards that were there which were more dated._

"James…miss you…happy birthday…Love, Logan"

"James…happy birthday…we think of you often…miss you…Love, Carlos"

_She put down the cards….she said a silent prayer for her son hoping that he was at peace wherever he was. Brooke wiped a tear from her perfectly made up face…she at last realized that her son all this time had been surrounded by family…he was home when he was with them. _

**Thanks for reading, reviewing, making it a favorite, story alerting…whatever else you did…I really appreciate it. I'm thinking possibly of doing a prequel and/or a sequel…so look for that….**


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